


Kill Your Family Show with Sabo

by CrystalNavy



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gallows Humor, Gen, Murder, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 13:02:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16347215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/CrystalNavy
Summary: 'Kill Your Family Show' starring the world's worst father, a sociopathic slob with the ugliest face I had ever seen, a gold-digging woman, a royal biatch, and of course, the protagonist of this show, who is the most adorable muffin the world has ever seen. :3





	Kill Your Family Show with Sabo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the main character somehow acquires a machine gun and ascends to godhood.

It was a normal day in Outlook household. Outlook III was bashing a servant's (read: slave's) head against the wall. His wife was fixing her make-up in front of the mirror. Their son (note: adopted one, not biological one, because their biological son is too cute and awesome to even be in the same room as his ugly-ass parents) was pigging himself out. Their daughter-in-law (who, again, married their adoptive son, NOT their biological one, because he deserves so much better than having such a biatch for a wife) was busy trying to get her tiara to stay on top of her wibbly-wobbly head and failing miserably.

Suddenly, all the lights turned off, and stage lights went on. Underneath them, in all of his awesome glory, stood a young man with shiny golden hair (which he didn't inherit from his ugly-ass momma and anyone who says otherwise can fight me). His handsome (and cute) features were only marred by a scar over his left eye, which only made him look even sexier. Fangirls everywhere fainted after taking one look at him. With a smile, he put on his top-hat. Even more fangirls swooned at the sight. 

"What are you doing here, Sabo?" Outlook III bellowed (though it sounded more like a whine)

"Let me explain." his very-much-sexy first-born replied in smooth voice which sent all the fangirls into a frenzy

(Although calling him first-born is inaccurate, because he is technically an only child)

"You see." Sabo continued, as if there were no interruptions "I am the main star of the 'Kill Your Family' show, which is going on air in six days. I was chosen because it was unanimously decided that I have the shittiest family in One Piece anime, and thus they figured that I was the perfect candidate for this. The plot is that one young man is fed up with his family, so he decides to showcase many new and innovative ways to kill his horrible family through a TV show!"

"Enough chit-chat." an unindentified voice chimed in "3......2......1.......Action!"

Three cameras were pointed at Sabo, who now held a machine gun in his hands (which he didn't have before) and his shitty-ass family, who were seated around the table, knowing that their doom was imminent.

"Right." Sabo grinned (to the enjoyment of fangirls all over the world) "Why do the kids like Oreo cookies? Because they're crunchy and taste good with ketchup!"

"I think you mixed up two commercials, Sabo-chama." an unindentified voice pointed out

"Don't worry, Sabo-kun!" a fangirl yelled out "I will still love you, even if you make mistakes now and then!"

She was then shot point-blank by a fellow fangirl.

"First rule of Sabo fanclub." the second fangirl said "Sabo-kun doesn't make mistakes, ever. He is too perfect for that!"

"Besides, I am not here to accurately memorize commercials." Sabo smiled at the camera "I am here to kill my shitty-ass biological family. Besides, commercials are dumb anyway."

With that, he fired in a rapid succession, and four ugly-ass bodies fell onto the table, dead. Their tongues lolled out, which made them look even more idiotic.

Their servants/slaves heard the screams and rushed in. When they saw Sabo standing there, and four dead bodies seated around the table, they dropped in front of Sabo on all fours, praising him as their savior. 

Sabo gave them all his flawlessly dazzling smile.

"Okay, cut!" an unindentified voice praised, as a hand appeared out of nowhere and gave Sabo a thumbs-up "That one is going on air!"

"All hail our God Sabo!" a horde of fangirls from different parts of the world declared simultaneously

And that was how Sabo ascended to godhood.

(He quit the position a week later because the position didn't offer enough freedom for his taste, and forbade him from going on adventures.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Machine guns are cool, but Sabo is cooler.


End file.
